Octopus was ambling along the briny bottom, hunting shrimp and dreaming of his tentacled love when he noticed a lump of sandy bottom watching him intently as he floated by, opening and closing the umbrella of himself against the current.

"Is that you Cuttlefish?" he remarked to the unremarkable lump of sand and gravel.

The eyes blinked as the sandy lump resolved into a pale brown cuttlefish. "Hello Octopus," Cuttlefish replied, spurting up to meet his friend. "Didn't think you saw me. You look happy today." The chromatophores on Cuttlefish's back, flashed green, brown, black and yellow as he moved among the weeds and coral.

"I am happy! I'm in love!" Octopus flooded his mantle with water and twirled around his friend with a squirt.

"Congratulations! That's wonderful news. Must be that springtime Gulf Stream..." Cuttlefish left this last statement hanging with the plankton. His eyebrows raised expectantly.

"What? No!" yelled Octopus, "You too? That's terrific!"

"Yup, yup," Cuttlefish bubbled, "Head-over-tentacles."

"Wow, that's great. Isn't love grand?"

"Sure is ol' pal. So, who is she? Where'd you meet her? What's she like?"

"She's swell. A real catch. The right schools, the right family. Real solid, ya know?"

"Yeah, yeah. Solid. I get ya," Cuttlefish responded a little plaintively.

"What?"

"No, no," Cuttlefish recovered with a pulsating, polychrome smile. "She sounds wonderful!"

"Yeah, she is. So tell me about your girl. What's she like?"

"You'll never guess. We actually met in school!"

"No! At Cephalopoda U? Do I know her?"

"Well I'm not sure, we've never talked about you. She was in our Coleodea class."

"Heh, heh," Octopus' beak snapped, "that's a lot of girls!"

"I know, I know. I didn't even recognize her when we met down by the anemone beds. She was hiding from the sharks when she squeezed up next to me."

"Oh no!"

"Yeah, didn't even see me. Had some vicious coral colors on, and she's all pressed up tight, and I go: 'Hel-loo.' Oh, man she almost dropped ink right there!" The two laughed and tickled tentacle a bit.

"Oh, Cuttlefish, you always did break me up. Well my story isn't nearly so dramatic. Nautilus introduced us and we met just over here." Octopus pointed at the dark water off to his left. "We had our first date hunting crab lings coming up out of the Trench."

"Very elegant! First date at the Puerto Rico, she must be something else!"

"Yes, well, you should meet her."

"Oh no, wouldn't want to impose."

"What? No. Don't be silly. I'm meeting her here soon anyway. " Octopus' skin flashed colors. "I'm going to ask her to marry me," he gushed.

"Wow! That's fabulous. I can't believe this! I'm actually going to ask my girl to marry me too! On our date tomorrow!"

"Hey, that's great...? Octopus stopped to wave over Cuttlefish's shoulder with a chromatophoric shimmer. ?Hi Squid!" Cuttlefish followed Octopus' glance to a very elegant squid making her way through the edge of the kelp forest.

"Hi Octopus. And oh, hi Cuttlefish." Squid flashed red and pink across her billowing mantle fins and down her eight arms.

"Hi Squid. Hey Octopus,? Cuttlefish puzzled. ?How do you know Squid??

"Squid was in our Molluska Matters class."

"Right, right. I had forgotten that," Cuttlefish mused. "Squid was also in our? Coleodea class."

"So you guys keep in touch," Squid hummed, trying to be demur and diplomatic. Octopus and Cuttlefish had become quiet and were now glaring at one another over Squid's undulating fins.

"I never intended for this to happen," Squid blurted, looking back and forth between the reluctant rivals, "but you're both so wonderful in so many ways. And so different."

"Is that right?"

"You don't say?"

Squid tried to focus each of them. "Come on now fellas. We're all old friends right?"

"Pals."

"Chum."

"Oh, Funnyfish?"

"Boneless!"

"Beakless!"

"Boys! Come on now. We can figure this out, I'm sure we can."

"You'll have to choose, Squid."

"Yeah Squid, choose! Me!"

"Not so fast parrot food."

"Least I got bones! Got'ny bones in there jellyfish?" Cuttlefish poked provocatively. Octopus lunged and a half-hearted, twenty-eight legged squish briefly ensued.

"Boys! Boys!" Squid shoved. "Now that's just embarrassing. Really!" The combatants grudgingly disengaged and Squid regained her poise. "Now lets settle this like adults. There must be some way..."

Each suitor immediately began swishing about, changing colors, snatching shrimp, and with gleeful smiles, shouting things like: "Look at me Squid!" or "Look what I can do Squid!"

"Pathetic," sighed Squid. Which had the desired effect. Each contestant settled quietly back to his place.

"Ooh, I know. Check this out Squid." Cuttlefish?s mantle changed to almost pure white, then a red dot appeared in the middle of his head and grew until a red heart covered most of his face. Then slowly, black spots appeared here and there and grew together to form a message: C+S.

"Aww," cooed Squid lovingly and she and Cuttlefish touched tentacles.

"Oh god," moaned Octopus. "That's all fine and dandy, but does he know where to find food when the Gulf Stream cools? Huh? Does he know how deep the Puerto Rico Trench is? Hum? Can he say your name? in Italian?" Squid's smile faded and she turned back to Cuttlefish, who nervously rubbed his two denticulated tentacles over his eyes.

"Well, no," he blurted, "but can he do this?" Cuttlefish jetted to the rocks, to the coral, to the kelp forest; each time utterly disappearing. Each time, Squid gasped.

"How about this?" came the muffled response from the seabed below. Squid and Cuttlefish glanced around until a tentacle appeared from the opening of an impossibly small paint can.

Squid's eyebrows slid up and she turned back to Cuttlefish who appeared to be looking for the exit, until his eyes fell upon a cola bottle, and a grin grew across his glimmering face. "I bet you can't fit in there," he said pointing to the bottle. It was less than half the size of the paint can Octopus was now oozing out of.

"Oh I see, trying to trip me up, eh? No I can't fit in there genius. It's capped!"

"And octopuses are supposed to be so intelligent," Cuttlefish taunted as he joined Octopus by the bottle. "Shall I have go at it, genius?" Cuttlefish then clamped himself about the slippery bottle and began yanking and twisting in a flurry of prehensile philandering.

"Oh, this is rich," Octopus began when Cuttlefish turned suddenly with a triumphant smile and little red cap in his coils. "Just lucky is all," Octopus swallowed and looked from Squid's expectant face to the tiny opening in the bottle. "No problem," he assured and stretched his arms for the attempt.

Cuttlefish and Squid wiggled back to give him some room and Octopus was soon squirming with the same ferocity as his rival had just shown about the selfsame bottleneck. Octopus tried this way and that and just when it looked like he wouldn?t do it, his head slithered into the bottle, sucking his tentacles along behind. ?Wow,? said Squid looking at Cuttlefish who nodded solemnly at his old classmate through the glass.

?Yeah, impressive,? said Cuttlefish returning Octopus? jiggly little wave as he calmly screwed the cap back on the bottle. Octopus? eyes bulged alarmingly as they pressed against the glass, oscillating between the cap and his old classmate.

?Cuttlefish,? queried Squid as he wrapped his blackening arms around the bottle and pried it from the sand, ?what are you doing??

The bottle made excited, eraser noises and shifted around in his grasp as he made the short trip to the Trench.

Squid streamed to Cuttlefish?s side as the bottle slid from his tentacles. ?Do you think he?ll be okay?? she asked as they watched the bottle descend into the inky depths.

?He?ll be fine,? answered Cuttlefish, stroking Squid?s mantle fins reassuringly, ?He?s a genius.?


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